This year has been a real rollercoaster for me. But I must admit that I enjoyed more the Tommy Lee drum-kit rollercoaster in 2015, when Mötley Crue played their last show in Helsinki. My rollercoaster wasn't that cool, and it lasted way too long. During this year I've been in and out of hospitals, faced fears and felt miserable. From time to time I've been a human wreck, capable of doing nothing. It's been a day-by-day battle, and waiting for the storm to pass. After the accident in 2014, this year has definitely been the second shittiest (SO FAR, like Homer Simpson would say. Yes I could quote someone else, but i prefer Homer). Thanks to my dear friends and family, I've had some fun too! I could say that the amount of shit you are going through, you need to at least double that with loud music and laughter. That's in my Survival guide. I don't really know what people in their 20's or 30's should do, but I sure miss working. I'm still hopefu...

The day I fell, a part of me was left behind. And I'm never gonna get it back. To accept Your fate. I instantly knew the true meaning of those words, because I accepted my fate. Maybe because in that moment, it was the first and only thing I could do...  The second thing was to start fighting. To fight for what was left of me. It's soon 3 years since my first and biggest battle begun. It's funny how it still feels like yesterday, but maybe it's always gonna be my yesterday. Because even riding the last time feels like days ago, not years. So all this weirdness, is because of my "yesterday". So when accepting my fate, I started my second life. Some say it's a miracle for me to be alive, but I see it differently. It's a curse I wanna escape, a prison door I wanna unlock and walk out of llke Stallone. But then there are you, my troops .You make me keep going, and believing in something worth fighting for. Because there are no miracles, it's...

After a pretty dramatic spring, I've finally now made "full" recovery. The surgery went a lot better than anyone could have expected, and there were no need for intensive care. That was a big relief, to wake up and understand that I was able to breath without any machines. But because of my good luck (which I'm known for), the last evening I had some trouble breathing, when my oxygen saturation went as low as 90. With a little help, everything were OK the next day, and after only 4 days I was lucky to get home (with the memory of being in the same hospital for 2 months in 2014, and 2 weeks in 2015). All good I thought, until... I got to my 1 week check-up. Where they found out that my esophagus was still fuxxed up. So, it took nearly 3 months to get the license to eat, which of one month even without drinking any water. So now I've been a happy-little-eater for a month. And life is good you must think? Well life is a bitch still, when you least expect it to be...

So, sad news... Surgery on Tuesday. There was no other way out of this. They are gonna remove that titanium-piece-of shit from my upper spinal cord, which has already done some serious damage to my throat( esophagus). I haven't been able to eat anything in a month, all nutrition has gone through a pipe right in to my stomach. It has been a rough experience, but hopefully everything is going back to normal soon. My biggest fear has come to reality, and once again I need to be brave. I'm kind of tired being brave and calm all the time, but I really hope my bad luck will turn, and when this shit is over I can finally move on with my life. The battle is on, but I will do everything to get my life on track again, and win this nightmare. I just wanna thank everyone who's walking beside me through this, you people are important.... For making me laugh when I wanna cry, and just being there for me when I need you. You people know who you are. Let's win this fight together, ...

"Rajoitteet on sun omassa päässä". Tämä sanonta on yksi typerimmistä, jonka olen kuullut. Seuraavaksi aion kertoa että miksi olen sitä mieltä. Useissa tapauksissa ne rajoitteet on jossain ihan muualla, kuin siellä päässä. Pää kyllä tekisi ihan mitä vain, mutta kroppa ei anna tehdä. Jos fyysinen puoli ei vaan pelitä, rajoitteet ovat jossain muualla kuin siellä päässä. Päättäväiselläkään mielellä ei jaksa mitään, jos kivut ja väsymys ottavat vallan.  Nostan hattua kaikille kohtalotovereille, jotka pakertavat elämäänsä aktiivisesti eteenpäin, vaikka joka ilta jo miettii, että "mitenköhän jaksan taas läpi huomisen?".  ""Edellisessä elämässäni" ei paljonkaan näkynyt kalenterissa peruuntumisia, vaan eteenpäin mentiin sata lasissa. Oon joutunut opettelemaan olemaan itselleni armollisempi, vammani myötä... Huonoina päivinä ei tarvitse tehdä päiväästä täydellistä suoritusta, vaan saa myös pysähtyä lepäämään. Tämän oppiminen on ollut mulle vaik...

I'm starting to realize that two years after an accident like this, and a injury like mine, I'm still sore and broken. Maybe not that much on the outside, but inside my body is aching. My body is not co-operating with the mind, that would like to do everything. And by everything, I really mean that. There is a world out there to experience, but I'm missing out on most of it. Two years has gone, doing mostly nothing but trying to recover. I miss everything I had, the best job in the world, that was taken away from me, way too soon. Life is nothing compared to what it was, and I just have to live with that. I can say that I had it all, and I lost it all. Building up something else instead is the real battle. But after learning to breath and speak again, I might be strong enough to overcome my battles. 2016 brought me strenght and balance, but also pain and insomnia. A couple of years ago I would never have guessed, insomnia could ever bother me, but wrong I was. It's ...