The past week people have been celebrating Halloween, and Day of the Dead. People dress up as vampires and zombies, or whatever they might like to dress up as. This weekend it's time to light some candles in the memory of our passed loved ones. If you visit a cemetary, you will see a beautiful sea of candle lights. Two years ago, I visited my grandparents grave. We were on our way home from the city, and I suddenly wanted to visit the graves, and so we did. What's ironic, is that the next day I had my accident. I keep thinking how close it was... That I didn't join my grandparents... Maybe I visited the graves a day before, to tell myself that my life was just getting started! I was ready to fight for my life, no matter what. I just didn't know it yet. Today I'm grateful to be that one to light a candle, and not the other way around. I choose to keep fighting, I want this life. There are days when everything seems worthless, but then there are moments, that p...

  Life-goals in general are a huge part of our own identity, and makes life worth living. Trying to stride towards something you have the passion for, makes the journey even more exciting. It can be almost anything, but it's often related with a deep passion.   Even after a terrible accident and living a life that's hell of a mess, I can still feel some sparks of passion for things that I lost, and think back differently on my achivements. The difference is now that I'm more proud and grateful of my accomplishments. I can think back and tell myself like "You did those things even when you were the only Person who believed in yourself, and now you showed them". I was brave, and I need to be braver than ever now. I used to know what I wanted, stubborn as hell, and did exactly what I wanted. It’s ironic, but I thought back then, that there were loooots of time to make things happen... But let me tell you something, there isn’t... In a  blink of an eye, this can a...

Things seem to roll forward pretty quickly right now, when I look back. I might be more tired than ever, once in a while, but I feel that I'm getting back some of that physical strenght, I once had. The best feeling right now comes out of doing things, I wasn't sure if they ever could be accomplished. I have no idea how much I can do in the future, and that partly scares me too. A year ago I decided not to worry about the future, and not putting any pressure on these thoughts. I just need to wait and see, and work for it. After everything what has happened, I realized that I was pushing myself away from things I loved. Not being able to work has been hard. It's like been left with nothing, nothing you can do to feel useful. Only an unfunctioning body, and a mind that is getting bored. Everyone needs to feel useful somehow, that's how it works. It's definitely not enough for me to help myself, I really need to be useful for others too, that's all what matters. ...

Just a normal day. It was Monday, and I was getting back from a short weekend holiday. A perfect weekend behind, and it was good to be back. I needed to go and get my car from the garage, where it was getting fixed. My dad gave me a ride there, and I was happy to have my car back. I thanked dad, and said "bye, I'll see you in a couple of hours". I wasn't aware of, that two hours from now, I would have ruined my life for good...    Was it just written in the stars, or was it just me beiing in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'll never now for sure, but sadly I would bet on the last option. I could let you know why I think that, but  I think it's better to not step on that path.     Long story short, I rode that horse, and I was quite pleased with him that day. He could be very spooky, and very quick to respond normally. That day I felt he listened and was more calm. I still feel sorry for that horse, when I think about what happened, because he must haave ...

Hey all dear ones, hope you have enjoyed the holidays! Year 2015 is gone, and it's time to turn the page and face a new chapter in life. At the same time, let's congratulate ourselves for making it this far. Everyone didn't , so let's be grateful. Anyways, I have decided to summon up last years highlights, good and bad, so here's my 2015 in a nutshell: - Once in Lohja hospital for sepsis (blood poisoning) - Once in Töölö hospital for sepsis - Once in Meilahti hospital for sepsis - Waiting approximately 25 hours in the Haartman hospitals emergency room - Once in Töölö for an 8 h surgery -Cracked my neck again, but this time it did heal fast + completing 6 months of rehabilitation in Validia, Helsinki + moved 2 times + living on my own, in my own home + started working part-timely in Autumn + Had approximately 240 hours of therapy (occupational&physio) ++ Watched Slipknot perform (third time maybe?) ++ Saw In Flames for the first time ++ Amorp...