It has been an extremely hard year for me, I just need to admit it for myself, and for you my readers. Last winter I was convinced that it will get easier, as long as I keep pushing trough this bullshit. I have always tried to keep my mind positive, and never wanted to show anyone my weak side... But it's not easy to keep up the good vibes, when you realize that your life has fallen apart forever. And I can tell you that it do not help to think it could be worse.
Of course I'm grateful for this life, I just have to learn to live it again. That's the hardest part, to figure that out. In fact, I love life so much it hurts. And it hurts because there are too many wonderful things that I can't do anymore. I just want to be that cherful active person I used to be. I hate to be anxious, sad and under pressure most of the time.
I'm not gonna lie to you about my life in that wheelchair. I'm gonna tell you the real truth. Most of the time it's shit,shit,shit,shit,shit and then something magical happens, like friends or family show up or I make some progress in physiotherapy. But mostly it's like a prison, you wanna get the f### up and run away but you can't. My best escape is in physio, where it's possible to stand for a moment in a "support machine" and rest my neck and shoulders. God I love to stand, it makes me feel so much better.
One more thing I have to share with you. When the accident happened in October 2014, and I was told that I would be sitting in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, I just didn't wanna listen to them. Somehow I just couldn't see myself sitting in a chair. A 24 year old shouldn't be disabled. But then I started to see younger ones in wheelchair, children, and it shocked me. How could anyone that young deserve to sit in a wheelchair? I realized life is twisted and unfair for some of us. In my mind I wanna believe that somehow we are the chosen ones. I can't explain how, but some of us just are meant to suffer more in life, and unfortunately I'm one of the chosen ones.
Of course I'm grateful for this life, I just have to learn to live it again. That's the hardest part, to figure that out. In fact, I love life so much it hurts. And it hurts because there are too many wonderful things that I can't do anymore. I just want to be that cherful active person I used to be. I hate to be anxious, sad and under pressure most of the time.
I'm not gonna lie to you about my life in that wheelchair. I'm gonna tell you the real truth. Most of the time it's shit,shit,shit,shit,shit and then something magical happens, like friends or family show up or I make some progress in physiotherapy. But mostly it's like a prison, you wanna get the f### up and run away but you can't. My best escape is in physio, where it's possible to stand for a moment in a "support machine" and rest my neck and shoulders. God I love to stand, it makes me feel so much better.
One more thing I have to share with you. When the accident happened in October 2014, and I was told that I would be sitting in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, I just didn't wanna listen to them. Somehow I just couldn't see myself sitting in a chair. A 24 year old shouldn't be disabled. But then I started to see younger ones in wheelchair, children, and it shocked me. How could anyone that young deserve to sit in a wheelchair? I realized life is twisted and unfair for some of us. In my mind I wanna believe that somehow we are the chosen ones. I can't explain how, but some of us just are meant to suffer more in life, and unfortunately I'm one of the chosen ones.
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