Everything is temporary. Everything you have going on in your life right now is meant to last just for a while. Good or bad, nothing's gonna last forever. Life is so freaking fragile. One second you can see your future ahead of you, thinking that what is yet to come is clear and obvious, although one move can change it all for good. Embrace everything you have right now, because it can all change in a heartbeat. That's how fragile we are, no matter how badass someone can seem to be, in the end we're just flesh and bone. If your normal life seems miserable to you, but you have your health, oh, you don't know have lucky you really are! You can do anything as long as you are fit and healthy.
It has been a couple of years since the last time I shared any thoughts here with you. The reason is that 2017 was a really rough year for me and 2018 was in a way the year I just wanted the storm to pass. The only thing is that I don't know if the worst time of my life now is finally over, or what the hell is yet to come. But maybe I wouldn't even wanna know, and I kind of have learned to live in the moment the past few years. The sad thing is I don't dare to make any plans for the future, because I don't want to disappoint myself. But I'm trying to move on, I really want to, more than anything else in this world right now.
Sometimes I really wonder what I've done before in my life to deserve all this shit I've been through. Then I see a tombstone in my mind and remember again how much more damage I could have caused. I don't even know why I'm writing about this like everything would be my own damn fault. But in a way it is, because all this is the outcome of all my choices I've made in my life so far.
Everything is temporary. Nine years ago I was pretty sure I would work with horses, people and sports for the rest of my life. I would follow my dreams like I've always done, and chase them until I would be where I wanted to be. Next summer it will be seven years since I've even been to a barn (yes, this is very chocking)! If someone would have told me years ago that before I turn 30 everything would be this different, I would have laughed and told them "Yeah, right. Not in a million years". But here I am; from chasing dreams to despretly hoping for a "somekind of normal life". I'm so freaking tired of setbacks, I want to get back on the fast lane again, but seriously any kind of a good road would work for me right now.
2018 I made a bold move and found a new little path to work myself forward through. I became a music-journalist, writing rock- and metal news and articles. It happened pretty naturally, because metal music has always been very important to me throughout the years, so it was fun to take a step forward and find out where that path would take me with Kaaoszine. As I look at this choice right now, it seems like I've learned a lot, and it's completely up to me and mostly my health what I can or cannot do with my future life.
It has been a couple of years since the last time I shared any thoughts here with you. The reason is that 2017 was a really rough year for me and 2018 was in a way the year I just wanted the storm to pass. The only thing is that I don't know if the worst time of my life now is finally over, or what the hell is yet to come. But maybe I wouldn't even wanna know, and I kind of have learned to live in the moment the past few years. The sad thing is I don't dare to make any plans for the future, because I don't want to disappoint myself. But I'm trying to move on, I really want to, more than anything else in this world right now.
Sometimes I really wonder what I've done before in my life to deserve all this shit I've been through. Then I see a tombstone in my mind and remember again how much more damage I could have caused. I don't even know why I'm writing about this like everything would be my own damn fault. But in a way it is, because all this is the outcome of all my choices I've made in my life so far.
Everything is temporary. Nine years ago I was pretty sure I would work with horses, people and sports for the rest of my life. I would follow my dreams like I've always done, and chase them until I would be where I wanted to be. Next summer it will be seven years since I've even been to a barn (yes, this is very chocking)! If someone would have told me years ago that before I turn 30 everything would be this different, I would have laughed and told them "Yeah, right. Not in a million years". But here I am; from chasing dreams to despretly hoping for a "somekind of normal life". I'm so freaking tired of setbacks, I want to get back on the fast lane again, but seriously any kind of a good road would work for me right now.
2018 I made a bold move and found a new little path to work myself forward through. I became a music-journalist, writing rock- and metal news and articles. It happened pretty naturally, because metal music has always been very important to me throughout the years, so it was fun to take a step forward and find out where that path would take me with Kaaoszine. As I look at this choice right now, it seems like I've learned a lot, and it's completely up to me and mostly my health what I can or cannot do with my future life.
To be continued...
Kommentit
Lähetä kommentti