Things seem to roll forward pretty quickly right now, when I look back. I might be more tired than ever, once in a while, but I feel that I'm getting back some of that physical strenght, I once had. The best feeling right now comes out of doing things, I wasn't sure if they ever could be accomplished. I have no idea how much I can do in the future, and that partly scares me too. A year ago I decided not to worry about the future, and not putting any pressure on these thoughts. I just need to wait and see, and work for it. After everything what has happened, I realized that I was pushing myself away from things I loved. Not being able to work has been hard. It's like been left with nothing, nothing you can do to feel useful. Only an unfunctioning body, and a mind that is getting bored. Everyone needs to feel useful somehow, that's how it works. It's definitely not enough for me to help myself, I really need to be useful for others too, that's all what matters. ...